Holiday gift ideas for the gardener on your list
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Most years after the turkey leftovers are gone, I diverge from the usual garden column fare for a week and try to provide a little advice for those of you out there trying to find the perfect gift for your gardening spouse, friend, or neighbor. And each time I do so, I delve into the recesses of my gardening brain to tease out a few gems. But this year I thought I’d get with the times and turn to crowd-sourcing for a few suggestions.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve scanned gardening blog sites, message boards, and Reddit threads to get a sense of what gardeners really want for Christmas. And the results, well let’s just say they were entertaining and a little illuminating. I learned a great deal — mostly why I don’t spend much time on blog sites, message boards, and Reddit threads.
It is astounding to me that when asked to list favorite gardener wish list items for Christmas, so many people immediately veer off into detailed descriptions of things like bodily misfunction or lack of intellectual rigor in a spouse or partner. But as they say, I took one for the team (actually, took way, way more than one) in an effort to tease out some interesting trends and responses. So, here’s a list of a few of the top results:
Why you should give manure to the gardener on your Christmas gift list
I think it says something significant that the overwhelming majority of gardeners asked online to list their top request for Christmas, list as their number one choice the former excrement of other living beings. And when I say that this is No. 1, I’m not engaging in my normal bit of literary hyperbole. I would conservatively say that gardeners, when asked in an anonymous format that eliminates the fear of insulting the potential gift giver or unintentionally divulging some fatal character flaw, will ask for garden poop.
“Horse, cow, worm or cricket — I don’t care what it comes out of as long as it ends up in my garden!”
“Would it be weird if I asked all my family and friends to buy me a truckload of manure?”
These are not the kind of deep-seated revelations that people freely utter at fancy cocktail parties or other public places. But when on the therapist’s couch or in an anonymous chatroom, our truest desires will gradually seep out of those deep recesses of the limbic system. It’s OK. You’re among friends . . . Poop it is!
Why you should gift dirt to your gardener friend for Christmas
No, really. Dirt. One of the most oft-requested garden gifts is good garden soil.
“I’d trade my hubby for a good-sized load of proper garden soil. And he’s not too bad a bloke!”
“Got $300 worth of the best garden soil — best b-day present ever!”
Is the dirt always greener on the other side?
It doesn’t seem to matter if the gardener lives in Kentucky or Kazakhstan, we all seem to hate our soil. The sand of the coastal plain, gumbo soup of the Southeast, or the ag-abused subsoil of my own Louisville garden, we can’t seem to win. And even if you…
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